


My First Theme Week

by FriendshipCastle



Category: Naruto
Genre: KakaYama Week 2015, M/M, Rin's alive in all my stories because Kakashi needs more friends, T for swears and sextalk, yes I am on tumblr so I know about this thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-22 16:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4843106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendshipCastle/pseuds/FriendshipCastle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>monday - team 7<br/>tuesday - anbu<br/>wednesday - AU<br/>thursday - loss/missing<br/>friday - reunion<br/>saturday - domestic<br/>sunday - sinday</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Team Seven

Sakura was the first to figure it out, of course. She paid attention. She’d come from a civilian family and ninjas from that background were typically the most well-adjusted. The ninja life was strange, full of its own rules, and it took away your humanity if you weren’t careful. Civilians were better at holding on to that humanity. They could have friends who weren’t ninjas. They knew how relationships worked. Sakura, with her hidden cache of dog-eared romance novels, had her eyes open wider than most.

It didn’t click until she saw them interact, though.

“Oh,” she said. Kakashi was leaning on their new captain’s shoulder. And the other man was allowing it. And Kakashi was calling him Tenzo, though the man had introduced himself as Yamato. There was a History there.

Ino was skeptical. “Kakashi’s dating someone?” 

“I’m eighty percent sure.”

“I won’t believe it until I see for myself.”

“I’m telling you, I’ve never seen Kakashi that relaxed. Not even with Guy. He was, like, low-key mean to him, too. You know that means flirting.”

Ino hummed thoughtfully. “They’d have to register their relationship with the mission desk. If it’s serious, I mean.”

“Are you going to go check the personnel files on this?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust your judgement, Sakura—”

“Can I come?”

It proved to be impossible to find Yamato’s records since he was ex-ANBU and Ino had to resort to cheap tactics to gain access to jonin records (the secretary on duty got a phone number, a promise of a date, and a wink), but eventually they were peering at the crumpled paperwork that was Kakashi’s most recent emergency contact information sheet. 

“I can actually read this,” Sakura said. “Holy shit.”

“Is this what your new captain’s handwriting looks like?”

“I’ve only seen a few of his characters when he’s sealed Naruto so I don’t know.”

Ino flipped the page over. “Ah, it’s got his apartment info on here. Yep, Kakashi’s got a roommate. No name though. Only one bedroom… Oooo, damn.”

“What?”

Ino tapped a symbol. “That means it’s a sexual relationship. And here—“ she tapped another section of the form “—is how long they’ve been living together.”

“That’s before Kakashi was even teaching us!”

“Hm. There should be a cross-reference roommate file in the housing records…”

“Or we could just go knock on the door,” Sakura suggested.

Ino pouted. “Intelligence-gathering should never allow the subject to—”

Sakura grabbed Ino’s hand and started pulling her. “Come on, Kakashi won’t kill us for figuring out he’s got a boyfriend.”

“It sounds so weird when you say it like that. Makes him sound way too human.”

Yamato opened the door to Kakashi’s apartment wearing too-long pajama pants with shuriken patterned all over them. Ino and Sakura screamed in delight at being right and in horror because oh shit _they were right_.

 

—

 

Sai was the second to find out. He showed up at the window, asking for the recently-returned Kakashi’s advice on dealing with Naruto’s aggressive training tactics. He paused mid-question, observed what he had just interrupted, and then said, “I’ll come back in… twenty minutes.”

“Make it an hour,” Kakashi said. Yamato made a small noise of protest and Kakashi said, “I’ve been gone two weeks, c’mon. We can indulge.”

“An hour,” Sai agreed. “Enjoy yourselves.”

 

—

 

Sasuke was the third to learn. In the overcrowded medical tents after the final battle of the Fourth Great Ninja War, drifting in and out of a chemically-induced haze, he heard the head medic suddenly roar, “Kakashi, you get your chakra-drained, knife-like ass back here! You’re going to go into shock and die if you don’t sit down and drink your goddamn juice!”

Whatever Sasuke’s old team leader said was lost in the louder hospital noises for a moment, and then the medic said, “Goddammit, Kakashi. Fuck. I can’t. Why would you ask me to go on a battlefield again? I can’t, you know I can’t—”

Sasuke opened his aching eyes in surprise when he heard the steady-handed head of Konoha’s medical wing, Nohara Rin, sob. It was still hard to focus but he lifted his head enough to see her with her hands on her hips, shoulders shaking. She was a dark blur facing a familiar, slumped figure that reached out and patted her arm a few times, then stumbled out the flap of the tent. 

Sasuke must have passed out again because later he woke up to Nohara roaring again, this time in triumph: “You brought him home!”

The bed four spaces down was just being cleared and Sasuke watched blearily as Kakashi gently tipped the figure draped over his back onto the creaking camp bed. A swarm of medics descended. Kakashi shuffled away, sitting on the bed five spaces down. The fact that another ninja was currently occupying the bed did not seem to concern him, even when the other ninja coughed pointedly.

When Sasuke managed to focus well enough to make out expressions, he realized that his old team leader was waiting. What little face that he had visible was patient. His eyes didn’t waver from whoever he’d just brought back.

If Sasuke squinted, he could make out… No one important. A man with sunken cheeks and brown hair. Vaguely familiar, a Konoha ninja he’d most likely seen around when he had lived in the Leaf. No one special. 

The man was clearly special to Kakashi, though.

Sasuke filed this information away in his buzzing, cottony brain and then slipped into unconsciousness again.

 

— 

 

The last one to realize was Naruto. 

“Hey, can I push your wheelchair, Captain Yamato?”

“Thank you, Naruto, but I’m—“

“I got it.”

“Kakashi-sensei! Captain Yamato can push himself, right?”

Yamato sighed. “It’s fine, Naruto.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, bending down so he could rest his chin on Yamato’s head. He draped his arms loosely over Yamato’s shoulders. “I’m in charge of helping him out.”

Naruto squinted at them. “That’s kind of a weird way to stand, Kakashi-sensei. It kinda looks like you’re… you know… together.”

“We are.” Kakashi’s tone was bland.

Naruto’s eyes bulged. “What?”

“Oh, are we telling people _now_?” Yamato murmured, seemingly to himself.

Kakashi tilted his chin to press his cheek to the top of Yamato’s head. “Quiet, you.”

“I don’t believe it!” Naruto yelled. “I can’t— What—”

“Amazing,” Kakashi said. “This is probably the best reaction I could have dreamed of.”

“Get me out of here,” Yamato said. “I have ten more surgeries for chakra burnout ahead of me. I want a lie-down and a book.”

“But you’re both guys!” Naruto wailed.

“Yep,” Kakashi said. And he Replacement jutsu’d off with Yamato’s chair, leaving a stump and a bundle of sticks behind.


	2. ANBU

Danzo’s private branch of ANBU was given an approximately-five-year-old and told to raise him in secret. All the masks turned to this child, wearing an oversized flak vest donated by Rat and nothing else because there hadn’t been anything else for him to wear when they’d found him. The kid stared up at the white-faced nightmares of Konoha.

He didn’t cry. He was five-ish and didn’t speak, didn’t do anything but gaze in wonder at all these animal-people around him. 

Boar caught him copying jutsu with his plump, clumsy fingers. His big eyes squeezed up tight when he concentrated. Already, the kid was trying to be a ninja. There was no way ROOT was going to discourage initiative like that. 

He had water and earth affinity when they tested him, turning the scrap of paper into a muddy paste in his palm.

“Neat,” Cat said. “Two affinities is rare.” He held up a hand. “Give it up, kid.”

The child stared at him, gritty dirt still oozing between his fingers.

“He’s never given a high five,” Monkey said. “Here, watch.” She demonstrated, slapping Cat’s palm with her own. “Okay, kid, you try.”

The kid pressed his fingertips against the two stumps and three whole fingers on Cat’s scarred palm.

“Fuck yeah,” Cat said.

“Uck yah,” the kid parroted.

Boar yelped with laughter. “His first word’s a swear! And it’s all your fault!”

Cat’s shoulders hunched in embarrassment. “Woops. Shit.”

“Sit,” the kid said.

“You’re making it worse!” Boar collapsed against Crow, giggling madly.

“Okay, enough,” Crow said and shoved Boar off of him. “Here.” He squatted down in front of the kid and pointed to himself. “Crow.”

“Grow.”

Crow shook his head. “Kk-row.”

“Crow.”

“There you go,” Crow said. The mask hid his face but his voice didn’t hide his smile. “That’s my name. Can you say ‘cat’?”

The kid concentrated. “Cat.”

“That’s me,” Cat said, waving sheepishly.

Crow pointed at each of the other agents, reciting their names. The kid repeated it all back carefully. There was a general shifting in the ranks, a loosening of long-tight muscles. It was hard to stay tense around a kid learning to talk for the first time in his short little life.

They passed him around. He learned to read by committee. No one gave him the same book twice. The private lessons with Danzo were the only structure he had in his day. Everyone else who had down-time and wasn’t busy getting sleep would take a turn teaching him something they knew. Most of their skills were deadly. The kid picked up kunai quick. He picked up a couple earth- and water-jutsu, too. Cat spent three hours trying to teach him an auditory genjutsu and while the kid had a good vocal range, he couldn’t match pitch to save his life.

“He’s tone-deaf,” Cat sighed. 

“No, genjutsu just sucks and the kid can tell,” Boar said.

The kid did much better when Boar taught him how to imitate people’s voices. The kid was growing a little taller all the time but puberty still looked at least a few years off. He was more like eight-ish. No one had ever picked a birthday for him. Danzo chose a name to call him but everyone pretty much stuck to calling him ‘kid.’ He was their mascot, after all.

And then the kid showed up at the training grounds one day, beaming. Growing up around faceless people who only took their masks off to eat or sleep meant that smiling wasn’t something he’d seen a lot of. He wasn’t a smile-prone child. This grin was worth taking notice of. Everyone stopped beating the shit out of each other and gathered around him.

“Hey, kiddo! What’s up?”

“Good news?”

“You look happy!”

The kid looked around at all of them, still grinning. “I can teach you something!”

The animal faces all looked at each other. A few elbows dug into various ribs. There were some good-natured chuckles in the back.

“Yeah? Go ahead!”

“Show us what you got, kid!”

The kid stuck one skinny arm out, grabbed his bicep, and said, “ _Mokutun_!”

When hunks of wood lurched out of his arm, everyone in ANBU realized why they’d had to keep this kid a secret. In the back of the suddenly silent crowd, Cat said, “Fuck me.”

It was something he couldn’t teach people. He practiced a lot. He practiced until it was second nature to become something solid and deadly and alive in a way that was very different from being human, and yet strangely similar. He felt dangerous when he used it.

He was ten-ish when he got his first ANBU mask. Monkey helped him make it.

“Cat would be so smug about this,” she said as she finished up the whiskers. Her mask was off for once. Scars pulled at the right-hand corners of her eye and mouth, slit her nostril cleanly into a vee. She looked up at the kid through her eyelashes. “Thanks for thinking of him, Kinoe.”

He was uncomfortable hearing the unfamiliar name he’d been assigned, but nodded at her. “Of course, Monkey.”

She was the last one of the ANBU agents he’d grown up with. After she painted that mask with him, he never saw her again. Someone else became Monkey. Crow was someone new, too, and had been for a few years. Cat had vanished last spring. Kinoe had actually been there when Boar died, though he hadn’t seen much more than blood and twisted limbs before someone threw an exploding tag on the body and incinerated all evidence. The faces of the people who had raised him were still around, because masks passed on, but the faces started calling him ‘Kinoe’ instead of ‘kiddo.’ They were strangers. To them he was a ninja, not a child.

He was guarding headquarters one day when a stranger came rushing through, ANBU but not a part of Danzo’s group. A potential threat to ROOT. Kinoe struck. “ _Mokutun_!”

A sound of shrieking birds of prey, plummeting towards something else’s death. Bright light. Kinoe was left with stumps where there should have been strong wooden beams. An ANBU mask he didn’t recognize, which he hadn’t thought was possible. The person wearing it was only a little bigger than Kinoe, when until now he’d been so used to being surrounded by giants all the time. Kinoe wondered about the face beneath the animal.


	3. AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (aggressively pointing to the fucking novel of AUs I wrote for these ninjas, get your fix over there for the really weird stuff)
> 
> Okay, I insist that this counts as an AU: what if the plot was the same except Yamato and Kakashi didn’t get together when they were in their early 20s the way they have so clearly been together forever in the show?

Sakura unfolded another letter and groaned. “This guy with the ninja fetish is writing in again.”

“Burn it,” Ino said from where she sprawled across her own bed. She was holding a scroll over her head to read it. “This one could work for the next column, I think. A guy looking for love. Or, okay, he says he’d be happy with a one night stand but it’s with this ninja he’s had a crush on for— Holy shit.”

“What?” Sakura said. She shuffled through a pile of letters and tried to peer up at the scroll.

“He’s been crushing on this guy for eight years.”

“Oh my god,” Sakura whispered. “That is bad. Is he a civilian and the guy’s a ninja? Because if we have two ninja fetishists writing in, I’m going to start getting salty.”

“Nah, they’re both ninjas.” Ino scanned the scroll quickly for a second time. “We’re gonna have to cut it for length because this guy waxes poetic. This poor bastard. He’s got it bad.”

“You said he says he just wants a one night stand.”

“I don’t think he means it,” Ino said. “He wants to marry this guy and settle down. Damn. Um, okay so we’re gonna try and give him dating advice I guess?”

“Well, first off, why did he say he’d be happy with a one night stand?” Sakura asked.

“Mmm, apparently the guy he’s crushing on is basically Konoha’s bicycle. But our guy is too shy to talk to him. So I guess he’d settle for a ride around the block on said bicycle, even though he definitely wants moonlit walks over rooftops and soulful confessions. On the bicycle. This metaphor got bad.”

“Hm. Maybe call his bluff? Suggest he post on the hookup board?”

Ino whipped around, blonde hair swinging. “There’s a hookup board?”

“Oh yeah. Mission office. It’s back by the broken vending machine.”

“That’s good to know,” Ino said thoughtfully. “We could escalate though. I got tea with Neji the other day and he told me they have a dick pic board in the jonin clubhouse.”

Sakura squeaked. “You’re kidding. Neji told you?”

“I think he just wanted to tell someone,” Ino said. “He looked traumatized. I happened to be in the right place at the right time. I’m lucky like that. But yeah, you post dick pics and someone posts critiques.”

“That seems kind of like a broad net when this guy’s searching for a particular person,” Sakura said.

Ino grinned. “Yeah, but maybe he’d actually do it.”

“What?”

“He sounds desperate.” Ino waved the scroll as evidence. “I think we could make him do some dorky, weird shit.”

“That’s evil,” Sakura said. “I love it. What do you have in mind?”

“I have read so many romance novels in preparation for this moment,” Ino said reverently. “All right, let’s take down some notes. We may need the whole column for our reply.”

 

—

 

> _[Edited for length]_
> 
> _Dear Kunoichi,_
> 
> _I have been single for my entire life—a ninja puts their work first and foremost, after all—but for the past eight years I have had a crush on a jonin. Lately we have been assigned to missions together with increasing frequency and it’s becoming difficult to ignore my feelings for him. He is far more sexually experienced than I am and I would like to join the ever-growing list of ninja who have slept with him. I know he isn’t straight so that isn’t what’s stopping me—I just don’t know how to initiate anything. How do I go about convincing him to sleep with me?_
> 
> _Sincerely,  
>  very inexperienced random guy in need_
> 
> _Dear VIRGIN_

Yamato glared at the paper. He hadn’t included a punny pen-name when he wrote his letter to the Ask A Kunoichi advice column. This acrostic was unnecessary. Accurate, but unnecessary. The Kunoichi had also left out the heart of his musings, but it made sense that she would want to leave enough space for the response. He read on.

> _Dear VIRGIN_
> 
> _It makes sense to stay focused on your work, considering the kind of danger we put ourselves into on a regular basis, but if this crush has reached the point where it’s interfering with your job, there has to be a change. Shyness has clearly been your enemy these past years. You want this guy bad, right? Well, here are a couple of completely unsubtle ways to let him know that you want in on his bangathon:_
> 
> _1) You mention that he’s a jonin. If you’re a jonin as well, there’s a special board that you can post on in the jonin clubhouse. Check it out. If you aren’t a jonin, ask anyone at the mission desk where there’s vending machines, and take their directions. You’ll find a hookup board back there. Leave a note letting him know that you want some action. Give a decent description and, since you’ve done missions together, he’ll find you!_
> 
> _2) Flowers. Lots of them. Everyone loves flowers._
> 
> _3) Gifts in general are a great way to prove how well you know a person and how much they mean to you. Make him something yourself, buy him something tasty, give him a book he’s always wanted… Maybe write him a song or a poem if you’re musically inclined. Don’t forget that using genjutsu on a fellow ninja to extract sexual favors or initiate a relationship is strictly prohibited, though._

“Good lord.” 

> _4) Try to spend time with him! Ask him out for drinks (I assume you’re both old enough for bars if this crush has lasted eight years) or food or training. Flirt shamelessly. Give compliments and ask questions and be very clear you want to know this guy. Intimately._
> 
> _5) Go out there and have a life-threatening, not-too-deadly fight with an enemy where you narrowly escape death together. In the aftermath, tensions will be running high. It’s a good time to remind yourself that you’re alive, and it’s the perfect time to suggest some relaxing sex. Adrenaline is an aphrodisiac._
> 
> _6) Tell him you want to get it on! In this village, in this day and age, it is possible to get laid if you ask. I promise. Who knows, maybe he’ll fall for you after a few hours of hardcore boning._

“Unlikely.” 

>   
>  _There are a lot of different ways to show that you care about someone, so get creative! These are only a few ideas. Good luck, and feel free to send me an update!_
> 
> _Luck and love,  
>  The Kunoichi _

Yamato let the paper fall to his lap. 

He wasn’t quite sure what his thought processes had been when he wrote and posted that letter to the Kunoichi, but now that he was sober it was clear that he shouldn’t have expected her to solve his problem for him. She had presented some decent options and that was as far as she could help. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about her statement, “Shyness has clearly been your enemy these past years.” It was a measure of shyness, perhaps. It could also be worry, too. Perhaps Kakashi hadn’t offered to have sex with him because he genuinely wasn’t interested. What did it mean that the man who slept around wouldn’t sleep with Yamato? Should he even try, or would it be too awkward after the fact? Kakashi didn’t act any differently around ninjas he had slept with, but maybe the act of turning someone down would make it awkward? Yamato didn’t want to have to avoid the man at work due to discomfort. Kakashi was an inspiration in the field.

Yamato winced at his own inner voice, how infatuated it sounded. He glanced over the five possibilities that the Kunoichi had presented. 

The heart of all of these suggestions from the Kunoichi required that Yamato acknowledge his feelings and act on them. So, he carefully picked through them all and decided that dinner, flowers, and an admission were manageable. All that was left was to select the perfect moment.

 

—

 

Perfect moments were difficult to come by. It was hard to get a sense of the mood when Kakashi and Yamato were babysitting squabbling teens. Yamato couldn’t decide which team member was the source of the most conflict: Naruto seemed to piss everyone off, but so did Sai and his inappropriate comments, and Sakura had one hell of short fuse (though if she’d been dealing with teammates like this all her life, she perhaps had a reason to be so cross all the time). 

“How do you deal with it?” Yamato asked Kakashi quietly one day, as Sakura delivered a brisk noogie to Naruto while informing Sai that he needed to keep his clothes on when she was present, yes even if he was used to sleeping in the nude normally, it was not appropriate to be naked in front of a woman when she didn’t want you to be.

Kakashi glanced over at him and wordlessly held up a book.

Yamato concentrated very hard on not blushing. “I don’t think that pornographic novels hold the secrets of team interpersonal dynamics, Kakashi-senpai.”

“Oh, that? I kind of just let them go,” Kakashi said. “They sort it out. Sakura’s good at keeping them in line and Naruto’s all loud noises and feelings. And Sai knows he’s in a precarious place as the most experienced and yet the newest on the team. This is just teen angst at it’s finest.”

“Oh?” Yamato said, impressed as always with Kakashi’s astute observations. The man looked like he was half-asleep all the time but he really was always paying attention.

“Yep. They’ll do what I say when I need them to. Two of them trust me and one of them knows my reputation. How’d you get them to work together?”

Yamato had to work very hard not to flush as he said, “I used a particular facial expression that is apparently intimidating.”

“Really?” Kakashi gave him a speculative look with his tired, dark eye. “Can you show me?”

“Um.” Was this the time to ask? Yamato’s head felt a few inches away from the rest of his body when he said, “Could I show you later?”

“You doing something right now?” Kakashi said.

“Perhaps over dinner?” Yamato tried.

Kakashi blinked. “You want to show me your scary face… over dinner.”

This had been a horrible set up. “Or we could just, um.”

“Oh, you wanna bang?”

Yamato was failing so hard at suppressing his blush. “Um.”

“You know, it's shocking we haven't fucked, in all the years we've worked together,” Kakashi said, cocking his head in thought. “Yeah, sex sounds good. After this mission work for you?”

“Dinner,” Yamato managed.

Kakashi’s eyebrow rose. “I mean, we could eat. I guess.”

“I can buy,” Yamato said, relieved to be back on track.

But Kakashi was waving a hand. “Nah, I’ll pick us up something and come by your place.”

“You don’t know where—“

“You still get your own room when you make it to twenty-five in ANBU, right?”

“Yes, but—“

“Yours is the one with the windowsill garden, Tenzo. I know where your apartment is.”

“Oh.” Yamato pressed his hands to his hips and stared at his own feet. “Right. Well.”

“That’s your cue to show them your scary face, Tenzo,” Kakashi said. He nodded towards the teens. Naruto was attempting to throttle Sai, who still had not put on clothes. Sakura was trying to drag Naruto off of their teammate without actually looking at the debauched scene before her. 

Yamato sighed and mentally prepared himself. He schooled his expression into the one that commanded respect.

“Glad you aren’t going to save it for tonight,” Kakashi murmured. “Who knows _what_ would happen if you used that on me.”

Yamato felt a little more heat than normal in his cheeks when he quietly threatened his subordinates. They looked cowed enough that it probably went unnoticed, but the heat was still there.

 

—

 

“Pass the sauce.”

“Right,” Yamato said. He slid the little plastic cup of sriracha Kakashi’s way.

“Thanks.”

“Mm.”

Kakashi’s hand invaded his vision and waved a couple of times in front of his eyes. “You okay?”

“Yes.”

“You gonna look at me?”

“Um.”

The hand retreated. “All right.”

“I’m sorry,” Yamato said quickly. “This is poor manners. But I can’t help but feel that—”

“You said mask off and I’m fine with you seeing my face, Tenzo. You already saw the rest of me.”

“Ah, yes. That. Yes.”

“Seriously, are you okay?”

“Could I get more rice, please?”

The carton slid in front of him, but Kakashi’s hand held it firmly closed. “What’s the matter? Is it because you were a first-timer?”

Yamato tried to duck his head even further and smacked his chin on his collarbone. “You— How—? Was it that obvi—“

“Yeah,” Kakashi said. “It was. I haven’t met an experienced ninja yet who took direction that well and asked that many questions during sex.”

“Sorry.”

“No reason to be sorry. You should have told me first, I guess, but you’re not a virgin anymore so the point’s kind of moot.”

“Mm.”

“You know,” Kakashi said, finally releasing the rice, “if this was one of my novels, this is the point where I’d demand to marry you because I took your innocence.”

Yamato controlled his breathing and did not twitch and did not allow hope to bloom in his chest. “This isn’t a novel, Kakashi-senpai.”

“True. Because, in this hypothetical novel, you’d be gazing adoringly at my handsome visage which you have only dreamed about. Wet dreams, probably. Jiraiya’s stuff isn’t the best example of things like that, since everyone’s so preoccupied with getting it on _immediately_ in his books, but I figured there was some pining going on in between chapters.”

“Mm,” Yamato said. This conversation was testing his self-control more than anything else he’d done in ANBU or ROOT.

“Tenzo.”

Yamato took a deep breath. “Hm?”

“Look at me.”

Yamato tried to take another deep breath but his lungs were still full from last time. He sighed instead, a long outrush of air, and then looked up.

In the very back of his mind was a selfish little thought— _never get too close to the people you admire, for they will only disappoint you by being human_. He wasn’t sure who had said it. Probably Danzo. It had been playing in his head when he read the Kunoichi’s dating advice and it was playing in his head now.

He had to admit, though, that everything up to this point hadn’t been the disappointment as he’d feared. Sex was fine, as he’d thought it would be with someone so experienced. This take-out dinner was fine, if a little cold because Yamato had always been iffy on flame and heat jutsu. Talking with Kakashi was… Well, it would be fine if Yamato could actually contribute anything to the discussion.

Kakashi’s face was quite a few steps past fine. It was _good_. He had a thin nose and it didn’t seem like he could grow facial hair. He had a _mouth_ (that mouth had been places…) missing a few molars and with one chipped canine. Kakashi had a round chin. He had a _really nice neck_. And those cheekbones. They were worth staring at. Which Yamato was doing. 

Kakashi propped his chin on his hand. “Maybe we are in a novel,” he said.

Yamato immediately turned back to the nice, safe, not-beautiful rice. 

“Tenzo?”

“Hm?” he said, staring at the rice so hard he could feel a headache starting behind his eyes.

“You’ve got something to say, yes?”

Yamato surrendered. They were going to have this conversation. There was nothing he could do to prevent this worst-case scenario. He said, “I am very interested in entering into some form of relationship with you, Kakashi-senpai, though the other jonin of Konoha have made it clear that you don’t like any form of attachment.”

“I have friends, you know,” Kakashi said mildly.

“Yes, Kakashi-senpai. Nohara Rin and Might Guy. But you don’t have sex with them. At least, not that anyone talks about.”

“You’ve done your homework.”

“I did say that I was _very_ interested, Kakashi-senpai,” Yamato said.

Kakashi snickered. Yamato couldn’t resist sneaking a peek at his face when it was laughing. It was a small tightening of the muscles around his mouth and it was _gorgeous_ how his teeth peeked out between his thin lips.

“Well,” Kakashi said, “your intel was right. I don’t date. I hook up with people multiple times but I don’t do exclusive.”

“I know,” Yamato said. He kept his eyes on Kakashi. He had surrendered to this conversation, after all. Whatever showed in his eyes, whatever conclusions Kakashi could draw about the way Yamato was acting towards him now, it was going to be out in the open because Yamato was tired of putting it away.

Kakashi tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You knew I’m a slut? So why fuck me anyway…” He kept his left eye closed, the scar almost luminous in the half-light of Yamato’s single-room apartment. His regular eye focused on Yamato. “Do you have an answer or shall I guess?”

“I was tired of wanting to and not doing it,” Yamato said. “And I got very drunk one night and wrote a letter to the Ask a Kunoichi column and she had many suggestions which boiled down to ‘Stop being a coward about the things you want.’ I found this to be good advice.”

“I mean, it got you a naked man in your apartment for the first time ever,” Kakashi said. “She did right by you there.”

“I didn’t want a naked man in my apartment,” Yamato said. “I wanted you in my apartment. So she did right in that way.”

Kakashi without a mask was an open book. The muscles around his eyes were used to holding perfectly still but his lips were twitching at the corners. “Why Tenzo, I had no idea.”

“So, ah,” Yamato said. “In my mind, this can go a few ways. There are ways where you regret this or don’t regret it but leave anyway because I’m… overly interested. But there’s a way where you stay.”

“Under what terms?” Kakashi asked. “I’m not used to being exclusive, after all.”

Kakashi was indulging him. This could be a good sign. Yamato said, “Well, I suppose you wouldn’t have to be.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t really want to hear about what you get up to,” he added hastily. “But. I really just want to be able to see more of you. Outside of work.”

“You’re seeing a whole lot of me at the moment,” Kakashi pointed out. He had not put on any clothes for their belated dinner.

“Yes,” Yamato said. “But I would like to get to know you more.”

“Ah.” Kakashi leaned back in his chair. “Normally I’d say no, because I’m paranoid and Rin says I have intimacy issues.”

“Is this a normal situation?”

Kakashi tilted his chair back on two legs, eye on the ceiling. “It’s not every day I take someone’s virtuous flower of purity. So no, I’d say this is an atypical situation. And my answer’s going to be atypical. Yeah, we can hang out more. Though next time, you’re coming to my place. Your bed is going to suck to sleep in.”

“Oh,” Yamato said, bewildered but pleased by the turn of events. “Well. I can sleep on the guest—“

“No,” Kakashi said, “you can’t. We’re just going to have to make do. Maybe we won’t be able to sleep at all tonight, with how cramped your bed is. What a shame.”

“Ah,” Yamato said.

 

—

 

Kurenai waved Rin down at the supermarket. Rin was shoveling personal lubricant into a basket that otherwise only contained orange juice and toothpaste. Her eyes held that far-away daze that meant she’d been working doubles at the hospital again.

“Rin?”

Rin twitched. “Huhwah?”

“Do you need that much lube?”

Rin stared at the KY in her hand, then at the mountain of it in her basket. “…I don’t know.”

“Are you okay?”

“Probably.”

Kurenai gently placed some of the lube back on the shelf. “If it’s for personal use, you don’t need that much. And if it’s for hospital use, you should be ordering it in bulk anyway.”

Rin blinked rapidly. “Shit. You’re right. I’m sorry, I am just. Super tired.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Kurenai bit her lip for a moment. “Hey, uh. I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Rin yawned. “What?”

“It’s about Kakashi.”

Rin rubbed her eyes. “Oh shit.”

“No, I just want to know if he’s okay.”

“What?” Rin’s eyes snapped open. “Why? What happened?”

Kurenai raised her hands quickly. “Nothing that I know of! He’s not on a mission right now, he’s not injured. I just… He’s usually up for a threesome every month or so but last time Asuma and I asked he turned us down.”

Rin pressed a hand to her chest. “Oh. That’s all? You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry. But do you know anything about that? Has he caught some kind of STD that’s keeping him out of the game or what? I haven’t heard about him hooking up with anyone in a couple months.”

Rin smiled. It was a broad, satisfied grin. It was the grin she wore when she had some damn good gossip to share. Kurenai leaned in closer, intrigued.

“He’s dating someone,” Rin said.

Kurenai couldn’t hide a snort. 

Rin’s smile widened. “Yeah, you laugh. It’s true though. I snuck in to steal the latest _Makeout Paradise_ and caught them on the couch. They were _snuggling_ , Kurenai.”

“No,” Kurenai gasped.

“Yes! In _pajamas_.”

“I don’t believe you. He’s made for no-strings-attached sex. He only does casuals. Rin, you have _got_ to be fucking with me.”

“My dear,” Rin said solemnly, “I promise you I am not. The man’s moving on to a new stage of interpersonal relationships. I honestly didn’t think it was for him.”

“You think they’re like Asuma and I?” Kurenai asked, hopeless hope in her voice.

“No,” Rin said. She patted Kurenai’s arm. “Time to post on the hookup board, maybe?”

“Our students are hitting that age,” Kurenai sighed. “We don’t want them responding to a message and then meeting us. I don’t think we can use it anymore.”

“Sorry. I know I’m not your guys’ type but I’ll keep an eye out for a nice man willing to fool around with you.”

“Thanks,” Kurenai said. She wandered off, shaking her head in wonder. Kakashi, in a relationship. A thought occurred to her and she turned to call to Rin, “Man, woman, or other?”

Rin smiled beatifically. “So long as healthy human interaction is happening, I don’t think I need to tell anyone the gory details. Ask him yourself.”


	4. Loss/Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to write the obvious interaction so I pestered my bro until she gave me at least a slightly different prompt.
> 
> I'm not good at fluff.

It took Kakashi hours to wake up enough for breakfast. The sun was far over the horizon by the time he finally sat up. They’d left him granola and a pile of fruit and a pitcher of juice. He consumed all of it, then snuggled down and went back to sleep. Being chakra-drained sucked hardcore but he’d learned to enjoy the little things, like lazy moments before the shitstorm of his life resumed.

Rin checked on him during her evening shift. She was even less of a morning person than Kakashi so she tended to take graveyards and afternoons. She looked like she’d taken the morning shift too, though.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” she asked, covering a yawn with her hand.

“Numb tingling in extremities, chills, difficulty staying awake for more than an hour or two at a time, and you need to ask Tenzo to bring me more reading material because I’ve already read this book twice.” Kakashi flapped his _Icha Icha_ novel.

“You’re so good at listing your symptoms,” Rin said approvingly. She stifled a yawn again and added, “Tenzo’s taking your Team Seven kids out, so no new porn for you. And he goes by Yamato now.”

Kakashi blinked. “Tenzo’s leading Sakura and Naruto?”

“And your new member,” Rin said. 

“New member?”

She dragged Kakashi’s wrist over and started probing his chakra network. “They got a Sasuke-doppelganger from ROOT. I’ve seen him pass through here once or twice. One of their shut-down operatives, the kind I can set their bones without anesthetic. They’re calling him Sai.”

“Two ANBU agents on my team,” Kakashi said thoughtfully. “Well. At least I know I can trust Tenzo with them. Do you know how they took it?”

“Took what?” 

“Their new team leader.”

Rin shrugged. “I was here. But Kotetsu said he saw them leaving and Naruto and the Sai kid were getting along about as well as Naruto and Sasuke got along, but with way more jokes about Naruto’s penis.”

“What?”

Rin dropped his wrist. “I think you’ll like Sai.”

“I think I’ll like him, too,” Kakashi said. He winced when she pressed the cold knob of her stethoscope against his chest. “What was Tenzo’s reaction?”

Rin smiled at him. “Take a deep breath.”

Kakashi did.

Rin moved the stethoscope. “Another one.”

Kakashi breathed again.

“All right.” She draped the cord around her neck and made a note. “You know the drill. We’re gonna feed you up. You can go home tomorrow if you want but Tenzo’s out until the day after that so you may want to stay here, where I can keep an eye on you.”

“What was his mission?”

“Acting on intel.”

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. “Vague.”

“Yep. Which means it’s important. You’re lucky I know that much, Tenzo wasn’t very forthcoming when I asked him.”

“You asked?”

Rin shone a penlight into Kakashi’s eye. “I knew you’d want to know. Oh good, you’re dilating normally. You know, I usually only get to say that to women so you should feel pretty special.” She winked at him. “Sharingan open, please.”

“It’s not the fuckin’ cave of wonders from _Sunagakure Nights_ ,” Kakashi grumbled. He cracked the lid and braced for the chakra drain and information overload. He could pick out every pore on Rin’s face, the makeup she hadn’t taken off from yesterday because she hadn’t gone home from work, the lint on her shoulder, the cat hair on her skirt, why was there cat hair on her skirt? Then the light flicked across Obito’s eye and everything whited out for a moment.

“Who’s got the cat?” Kakashi asked.

Rin smirked. 

“Ohoho,” Kakashi said, grinning back at her. “Who got lucky?”

“He did,” she said. “He knows it too. You don’t know him so don’t bother trying to find him.” She tapped the scar bisecting his left eye. “You can shut that.”

Kakashi closed Obito’s eye. “When did you say Tenzo’s getting back?”

Rin looked up from her notes. “Two days. Why?”

Kakashi shimmied down under the bedsheet and flipped open his book to the spicy part—he didn’t feel like going through the weak plot-building and character exposition. The pages where the foreplay started were so well-read that the book opened to them automatically.

“Do you miss him?” Rin said, her voice only a little mocking.

“You’re done prodding me, right?” Kakashi said. “There are babies to be prodded. Go prod them.”

Rin dug her finger into his side, hard. “But you’re so fun to tease when you have an emotion. C’mon, spill your guts to your oldest friend. I promise I’ll only laugh a little.”

“He knows where my books are, that’s all.”

Rin snorted. “Yeah, okay Mister Stoic. You are absolutely not fooling anyone. You say the words yet?”

Kakashi blinked at her.

“I shall take that as a no.” Rin pushed imaginary glasses up her nose, then giggled. “Wait, I forgot, I have—“ She tugged a pair of glasses with purple frames out of the chest pocket on her lab coat, put them on, and then pulled a stuffy academic face and pushed her glasses up higher on her nose.

“Nerd,” Kakashi said.

“Yeah, but I like ‘em. They make reading charts so much easier.” She put them away. When she looked back up at him, her smile was smaller, a question more than a tease. “So what’s up?”

“I’m chakra-drained, I should be sleeping.”

“Yeah, but—“

“Yes, I miss him,” Kakashi said. “We done here?”

Rin took his hand. Her stubby, sensible fingers picked at his scarred ones. “You have it bad, buddy.”

Kakashi let her play with his knuckles and didn’t say anything.


	5. Reunion

Ishiguro Miyuki was almost home. She had the plastic they’d need for tooth molds and she had some new ceramic powder that could prove to be a better filling for cavities then the alloys that the Ishiguro offices had been using since her uncle’s time. She hefted the heavy box higher on her back. The straps were digging into her shoulders. 

She had to set it down when the subtle signs carved into the treetrunks of a few key maples told her she was still five miles out from the hidden village. She’d been walking since dawn and it wasn’t worth it to kill herself just to get there before dinnertime. She needed a break, it was lunch, Konoha could wait for its resident dental expert. They’d survived three weeks without her and another day wouldn’t make much difference.

A dog barked. Miyuki looked around. There was a sandy pup with a ring of black around each eye and a smeared, greyish mark on its forehead that looked like it had once been a character. Miyuki couldn’t read it. It was also wearing a little blue vest. There was a huge patch sewn in the middle of the vest, a gaudy rainbow with a unicorn rearing in front of it. 

“Hi there,” she said, holding out a hand.

The dog sniffed her, then barked and trotted a few steps away. It came back, barked, and trotted off again. 

“Okay,” Miyuki sighed. She hefted herself to her feet and resettled the box of new dental equipment on her back. “Wherever you came from better not be far.”

It wasn’t far. It was a farm, lush with plants and a bizarre number of lazy old dogs. A pug lifted one eyelid at her and then let it drop. A huge bulldog was sprawled on his back, snoring. Various dogs of middling sizes were spread out through an herb garden, and corn stretched behind the house in a green wave that was already knee-high. The sleek signpost Miyuki passed on the way in didn't have a name carved in it, just the Leaf symbol, indicating that the farm was associated with the Hidden Village in some way.

There was a person squatting by some tomato plants. Miyuki squinted and saw that whoever it was wore a huge straw hat with a few chunks missing from the brim, a ratty tanktop, and a baggy, faded orange skirt with a pattern of yellow pawprints on it tied around their waist. Bare toes wiggled in the dirt.

The sandy dog who had led Miyuki here trotted up and rammed its nose into the person’s back. They teetered forward, barely catching themselves before they hit the ground facefirst.

“Hello?” Miyuki said.

The person looked back. It was an old man, grey hair sticking to his face with sweat. He had a faded red bandanna tied over the lower half of his face. He looked absolutely ridiculous, and Miyuki hid a smile with her hand.

“Hi there,” he said. His voice was slow, but strong for his age.

“Hi,” she said. “Sorry, your dog led me here.”

“Yeah, he does that. What’re you doing way out here? You lost?” He pushed himself to standing, knees creaking and popping. He was pretty skinny but she saw that he was tall despite his slumping posture. As he tucked his thumbs into the waistline of his wrapped skirt, Miyuki noticed that he had freckles all along his arms from the sun. 

“I’m heading home from a dental conference,” she said.

“Home?”

“Konoha. The ninja village.”

“Is that right?” The old man’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “That’s kind of a ways away, though. You want to come in for lunch or something? That looks pretty heavy.” He waved at the box she still had on her back.

“Some water would be nice,” Miyuki admitted. “I brought lunch with me, though.”

“All right. I’ll bring some stuff out, you can keep me company.”

“You live out here alone?” Miyuki asked. She set her pack down with a grunt.

“Nope,” the old man called over his shoulder. He gestured around the yard before disappearing into his house. “I have all these damn dogs, don’t I?”

A few of the dogs yapped, as if they knew what he was talking about. The pug let out a fart.

The old man came out with a cheese sandwich in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He passed her the glass and settled himself on the steps with a weary sigh. Though he moved pretty well for his age, Miyuki could tell he was the type who got tired as they got older. 

A grey dog with darker fur like eyebrows over its eyes edged up behind him and he leaned back to use the dog as a pillow. “Thanks, Shiba.”

The dog huffed quietly.

“Good dogs,” Miyuki said. She sipped her water.

“Yep,” the old man said. “I’ve had ‘em a long time.”

“It’s just you and the dogs then?”

“Not always.”

Miyuki cocked her head. “Does your family come visit?”

“They’re busy,” he said. “I’ve got someone taking care of me but he’s out on business right now. He left a little over a week ago, I think. Should be back soon.”

“That’s good,” Miyuki said. “It’s kind of dangerous to be out here by yourself, at your age.”

The old man cocked his head at her. “Oh?”

“It’s not my business, of course,” Miyuki said quickly.

The man tapped the bridge of his nose thoughtfully with his cheese sandwich. “Kind of you to worry, I guess. I don’t think about it much. Hey, Tenzo.”

“Pardon?” Miyuki said.

“Good afternoon,” said someone behind her. Miyuki squeaked in surprise and whipped around. A man about her age was standing with his hands on his hips, giving the old man an exasperated look. He turned his dark gaze on her and inclined his head politely. “Hello, ma’am.”

“Oh gods, I didn’t even hear you come up,” she said. She stood and held out a hand. “I’m Ishiguro Miyuki.”

“Yamato,” the man said. “A pleasure to meet you.” His handshake was firm, his hands rough with work and a little dusty. Miyuki took in his battered flak vest and black uniform, though she noticed he didn’t have a forehead protector on. Ex-ninja who never threw out his old gear, probably. He looked too old for fieldwork. Shinobi tended to be phased out when they were in their late thirties, now that more of them survived that long. She wondered for a moment why an ex-ninja was looking after some old farmer and his dogs.

“Tenzooo,” whined the old man, “that was way more than a week. C’mere and kiss me.”

Yamato—or maybe it was Tenzo?—rolled his eyes. “Apologies, Miss Ishiguro. He’s not very well-trained.”

At least that explained why an ex-ninja was here. Even shinobi got married, though marriages to civilians were rare. Miyuki was now left wondering about the age difference. She tried to be polite as Yamato ducked under the straw sunhat, but she couldn’t resist sneaking a peek. 

The old man didn’t actually look that old when he had his sunhat and bandanna off. There were faint smile-lines at the corners of his eyes but his forehead was smooth. The grey hair and general air of exhaustion had thrown her off. 

Yamato pulled back after a quick peck and the old man who wasn’t that old rolled his eyes. “Prude.”

“We have company,” Yamato reminded him. “Excuse me, please. I have to change.”

The farmer watched his husband enter their house. He pulled his bandana up as a kind of afterthought. “Sorry, but I should follow him. You can sit around with the dogs until you’re ready to go on, they won’t bother you at all. That okay?”

Miyuki hid a smile with her hand. “You go on after him, sir. Don’t mind me. I’m the same way with my husband.”

The man shot her surprised, almost panicked look. The dogs were suddenly making whuff noises, almost like laughter. The pug’s stump of a tail waggled furiously.

“Did I say something wrong?” Miyuki said, bewildered. “I’m sorry if I—”

“Don’t worry about it,” the man said. His shoulders relaxed with some effort. “It isn’t a big deal. The dogs just like to tease. Me and Tenzo have been living in sin for a while now. Couple decades almost.”

“Oh!” Miyuki giggled. “Well then, go on after it I guess.”

“Thanks,” the man said. He shuffled to his feet and gave her a lazy salute, then vanished into the house.

One of the dogs, the one who had led her here, licked at her hand affectionately, then plopped to its stomach with a big doggy sigh. Miyuki finished her lunch quickly and hauled herself to her feet before she could hear anything incriminating from inside the house. She thought she heard a few quiet voice behind her as she made her way back to the road, muttering something about a “boss” and being able to “smell them going at it from here,” but when she glanced back all she saw was the little house, the dogs lazing around, and the fields beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why yes she is an OC from that fic I wrote about the ninja dentists, looks like she kept up the family business


	6. Domestic

Kakashi ran his finger down the last column of his epic report and tapped the final period with his fingertip. He sighed in relief. Proofreading was complete. Tsunade would finally stop calling him in on emergencies and then sitting him in a corner of her office with a legal pad to fill out. She was determined to document what the hell had happened during the Fourth War. 

“You were on the front lines,” she had said. “You were with Naruto for a lot of it, too. Shit, it was _your former teammate_ who started the whole damn thing. You’re giving me your perspective if I have to call Ino in here and make her sift through all your dirty thoughts to find the relevant information. Do you want to do that to that poor girl?”

“No,” Kakashi had muttered. He’d ended up completely filling three legal pads with every detail he could remember. And then he’d taken it all to Sai and had him write everything up neatly, on a scroll and in chronological order. And now he’d proofread the whole thing so he knew it was as accurate as he could make it. It had taken him three weeks to do it all.

“Son of a bitch,” he said to himself. He rolled up his account, bit his thumb, and sealed it with a quick smear of his own blood and a chakra tag that would keep random nosy ninjas out.

He summoned Pakkun to take it, which was perhaps a bad idea.

“Hey, boss.” The little dog looked around suspiciously. “Is this the library? I haven’t been in here since you were a kid. Is this your new place to hang out or something?”

“It’s the coldest place in Konoha at the moment. We’re in the middle of a heat wave. And I had something to finish.” Kakashi held up the scroll.

Pakkun’s droopy eyes narrowed even further. “Is this you doing work?”

“Can you take this to Tsunade?” Kakashi said.

Pakkun didn’t move.

“Please?” Kakashi offered.

“That kid’s really rubbing off on you, isn’t he?” Pakkun said. He took the scroll from Kakashi’s hand and trotted off. 

Kakashi stared after him for a moment. Taking sass from Pakkun wasn’t anything new, but usually Pakkun didn’t acknowledge that Kakashi and Tenzo lived together. All the dogs were fine with Tenzo, of course, and he’d shelled out for the fancy dog food on many occasions when Kakashi forgot his wallet at home, which proved that he liked them too. There just normally wasn’t any reason for the ninken to remind Kakashi that he was unreasonably close with his fuckbuddy/roommate. Whom he was in a long-term monogamous domestic situation with. Where they sometimes shared clothes and shared food.

“Oh,” Kakashi said, as he realized that most people would designate such a person a ‘significant other’ or ‘boyfriend’ or something…

Kakashi sorted his writing materials into the belt packs Tenzo had sewn for him, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and went home.

 

—

 

Tenzo returned from his weekly physical therapy to Kakashi lying on their kitchen floor with all the lights off. It was dark and hot, none of the fans on, no noise or light.

“Are you okay, Kakashi-senpai?” Tenzo called from the doorway as he stepped out of his sandals. Kakashi listened as he padded barefoot through the living room, shedding his flak vest, and squatted down by Kakashi’s head. “Do you want me to get Doctor Nohara?”

“She said you can call her Rin,” Kakashi muttered.

“Rin, then. Should I go get her?”

“No.”

Tenzo plopped completely on the floor and crossed his legs neatly. “What’s the matter?”

“Thinking.”

“…And this requires you to lie on the floor in the dark?”

“Sun set twenty minutes ago, it hasn’t been dark that long.”

Kakashi could _hear_ Tenzo rolling his eyes. “What are you thinking about?”

Instead of answering, Kakashi flailed with his arm until he smacked into Tenzo’s leg, then followed that up until he hit Tenzo’s waist. He snuck one hand under the hem of Tenzo’s shirt and pressed a hand against the skin under Tenzo’s ribs, in that soft space of stomach. It was a solid core of muscle, warm but not overly hot, and Kakashi felt him twitch and then settle against the touch. Compared to the temperature of the apartment, Tenzo was cool. 

“You were thinking about my muffin top,” Tenzo said. He sounded amused.

“Mm,” Kakashi hummed noncommittally. “Come here.”

“I _am_ here.”

“No, like _here_.” Kakashi slapped the floor with his free hand and squeezed Tenzo’s side at the same time.

Tenzo squeaked, but then sighed and stretched his legs out and settled back on his elbows. His ass was still close to Kakashi’s head, so Kakashi clawed his way up Tenzo, then rolled back over so they were side-by-side. Tenzo’s arm was trapped under Kakashi’s neck but Tenzo didn’t say anything. Even with a three-inch space between their bodies, there was too much body heat. Kakashi could feel sweat gathering in his hairline. Tenzo was breathing through his mouth, a steady soft gasping as he drank in heat and let it seep back out of him. Kakashi was used to sweating behind his mask, so when he reached up with a finger and dragged the cloth down, it was like stepping into a sweet, cool breeze. He felt warmth spiraling off his cheeks and into the open air.

“So what were you thinking about?” Tenzo asked.

Kakashi shrugged, his shoulder digging into Tenzo’s bicep.

“Was it bad?”

“No.”

“Was it good?”

“I’m not sure.”

“But not bad,” Tenzo said.

“Not bad, no.”

“Hm. Does it involve me?”

Kakashi paused too long. He didn’t want to answer anyway, but no answer was as good as giving one.

“So it’s about me and it’s not bad but it’s not necessarily good.”

“What would you call us?”

“What? Shinobi.”

“No, _us_. Like you and me.”

Kakashi listened as Tenzo shifted against the floor, settling himself more comfortably and also conveying how uncomfortable he was with this line of questioning. “Um. What would _you_ say—?”

“I asked first,” Kakashi interrupted.

“Is there a wrong answer?”

“No.”

“Then, since it’s you, I’d say ‘lovers’ is accurate and also evokes romance novels enough for you to tolerate the term. Even if I don’t care for it.”

“What’s a term you _do_ like?” Kakashi said.

“Did you like ‘lovers’?”

“I don’t care. I never considered labels.”

Tenzo’s head tilted towards him but Kakashi kept his eyes on the ceiling. “What’s different about today?”

“Pakkun said something about you being some kind of influence on me.”

Tenzo let out a single laugh. Kakashi cast an eye in his direction, confused. Tenzo didn’t laugh too often. He smiled a fair amount, but neither Kakashi nor Tenzo really laughed. 

“Sorry, just. You’re thinking about our relationship because of a dog.”

“Some of my best friends are dogs. It’s right there in their title, man’s best friend.”

“I know, I know. But Pakkun of all canines.”

“Answer the question.”

Tenzo hummed in thought. Kakashi closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Tenzo’s mind working.

“I think I like partner,” Tenzo said. “Because it reminds me of when we work together. We didn’t really work together in ANBU, but now… Partners. And it suggests an equality, which is nice.”

“Hm.”

“I’m fine with things being undefined, though,” Tenzo added quickly.

Kakashi rolled onto his side, then enough onto his stomach that his bottom arm wouldn’t be trapped by his body. He draped his top arm over Tenzo’s ribcage and crammed his face into the space between the man’s shoulder and head. It was a hot cave that was kind of uncomfortable right now, but Kakashi was used to physical discomfort. Getting this close was worth it. He hooked a leg across Tenzo’s body, feeling sharp hipbones against the meat of his inner thigh.

“This is kind of too warm,” Tenzo said.

“Five more minutes,” Kakashi grumbled.


	7. Sinday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninjas discussing sex in bars is very important to me. There's a terribly butchered internet joke and a very well-worn movie reference and it's all just a mess of sextalk. Without any actual sex.
> 
> Also, welcome a ship no one ships because one party is dead in canon. My denial that Rin isn't a recurring character is truly ridiculous at this point.

When it came to planning the semi-monthly double-date bar events, it helped that two members of the group were permanent Konoha residents. The other two parties were in high demand but at least two people could be counted on to have a few hours available on any given day. Sadly, the permanent residents had jobs that were not conducive to late night intoxication. Hospitals and schools were almost as demanding as a field ninja’s life. By all rights the four of them should have given up on the whole thing a long time ago and just met up for lunch somewhere. Rin and Kakashi insisted on the bar, though, and Iruka and Yamato had privately agreed that it was less likely for someone to overhear their conversations if they were in a crowded nightlife kind of place. It was best to avoid eavesdropping whenever possible, particularly if young, impressionable children might hear.

At this bar date, as it so often happened, Rin and Kakashi were discussing sex. With hand gestures and, occasionally, diagrams drawn on napkins.

Iruka and Yamato were pointedly ignoring them.

“Ever since Sakura had a kid, she seems to think we’re a free babysitting service,” Yamato said. “It’s not the best situation. Kakashi is even more informal now that he’s retired.”

“Informal?” Iruka asked.

“I’m trying to keep him from teaching the girl swear words.”

Iruka winced. “Ah.”

“I’ve modified my speech, which wasn’t a huge challenge since I’m not particularly inclined to swear anyway, but he insists that she'll learn curse words eventually.”

“Of course he won’t adjust for children,” Iruka said. “He’s Kakashi. How bad is it?”

“The other day Sakura’s daughter asked why Kakashi’s underwear has flowers on them, and— I’m sorry if that’s too much information—“

“At this point, Yamato, I think we’re past that. You and I have suffered TMI together at these double dates for a long time. We’re cool.”

Yamato smiled faintly. “You’re right. Well. She asked why his underwear had flowers on them and he said it was in memory. And when she asked in memory of what, he looked straight at me and said, ‘In memory of the fact that Tenzo blows me often.’ I distracted her before she could ask what that meant but I’m still worried she’ll think to ask Sakura what it means.”

Iruka’s eyebrows were creeping towards his hairline. “Uh.”

“I don’t even know what he meant by that comment. It made no sense and it was just… crude. What’s Sakura supposed to tell a three-year-old?”

“Yeah. Shit. Wow.”

Kakashi suddenly leaned into Yamato’s personal space. “Talking about me, babe?”

Yamato closed his eyes. “Don’t.”

“Did you know he’s stopped swearing altogether? Stubs his toe and now it’s just ‘frick’ or ‘shoot’ or whatever. It even bled over to sex for a while there. Hey, Rin, settle a bet would you?”

Yamato covered his face with his hands. “Oh gods.”

“I’m gonna get another beer,” Iruka said. “I’ll get you one too, Yamato.”

“Thank you, Iruka.”

“Rin,” Kakashi said, ignoring the sympathetic exchange, “could you tell me what this sounds like?”

Rin raised her eyebrows at the sound Kakashi made. Yamato visibly flinched. A few conversations at nearby tables ceased.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” someone muttered, to general snickering.

“Hm,” Rin said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I have an idea of the context, but go ahead and elaborate for me.”

“I’m giving decent head and all he says is, ‘darn that’s nice,’ so of course I try harder,” Kakashi explained. “And then boom, Tenzo makes that noise and then he insists it’s not a swear. But I disagree.”

“Well, it _sounds_ pretty close to a very bad swear,” Rin said, grinning at Yamato even though he was still hiding his face in his hands. “I think you could do better, though, Kakashi.”

“I’ll work at it,” Kakashi said solemnly.

“You’ve been working at it for years!” Rin laughed.

“A true master is one who knows that there is always more to learn.”

Yamato twisted in his seat, angling himself to try and make it clear that he didn’t know anyone at this table. 

Iruka set a fresh bottle of beer in front of him and also set a shot next to it. “I am so sorry,” he whispered to Yamato.

Yamato shook his head and threw back the shot without comment. He was only faintly pink, but the tightness around his jaw suggested that he was controlling his face very carefully.

“Do you ever miss pussy, though?” Rin asked Kakashi.

“Sometimes,” Kakashi said.

“Yeah,” Rin sighed. “Me too. It’s just nice to get to interact with one, you know? One that isn’t mine, I mean. Perfecting good oral is just. Damn. It’s a skill worth working on. And you know you’ve won when there’s multiple orgasms and you’re slicked up to your eyebrows and—”

Iruka coughed. Rin kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m seriously so jealous of the clit,” Kakashi said.

“ ‘course you are,” Rin said smugly. “The clit is the source of all beauty in the world.”

“Clit?” Yamato asked.

Rin turned huge eyes to him. “What?”

“I-I’m sorry,” Yamato said. “I don’t know… What’s a clit?”

Rin aimed a glare at her old friend and snarled, “How does this poor man not know about the clit, Kakashi? I know it’s not relevant to what you two do but still! All those romance novels you read and he doesn’t— Are they penetration only? Tell me there’s foreplay, Kakashi, or I swear to got I’ll go dig Jiraiya up and give him a lecture on sensuality that he’ll never forget!”

Iruka and Yamato shared a look of deep terror at the direction this conversation was taking.

“Don’t know what to tell you,” Kakashi said. “Tenzo’s a one-dick dude. No reason or means to learn about the mysteries of the vagina.”

“Fuck,” Rin said. “I don’t know why but I thought sexual knowledge was passed through, like, osmosis or something.”

“Excuse me?” Yamato said.

“Suck Kakashi’s dick long enough and you’ll learn more about the depths and depravities of human sexuality than you ever wanted to know,” Rin said, shrugging. “Clearly I was wrong in this assessment.”

“Tenzo’s not a swallower,” Kakashi said. “That’s probably where the osmosis failed him.”

Yamato raised his eyes to the ceiling and took a deep breath. “Could we move on?”

“Sure,” Rin said. She dragged a clean napkin towards herself. “Here, I’m gonna draw you a diagram. Here’s a vulva, all right?”

Yamato blinked. “Wait, you’re going to teach me vaginal anatomy?”

“Yep,” Rin said. “Let’s get you squared away on the theory, even if you aren’t gonna get a practical lesson. All right, so vulva. Outer and inner labia. Urethra. Vagina. Then up here we got the clitoral hood and the clitoris, also called the clit. This is just the external part, it actually goes waaaay back inside the body and it’s big and amazing and kind of shaped like a tuning fork, which. Hm. Constantly vibrating clitoris sounds damn nice.”

“Bragging,” Kakashi muttered.

Rin ignored him. She tapped the little star she’d drawn for the exterior clitoris. “Anyway, this is a key place for pleasure in most people with vaginas. Not all of ‘em, but most of ‘em. And let me tell you, if it works it works damn well. It can be finicky but you end up in multiple-orgasm-land and that’s an awesome place to be.”

“Bragging,” Kakashi said louder.

Rin slid her drawing across the table. “Here, Yamato. You keep that.”

Yamato blinked at the neatly labeled doodle. “…Thank you.”

“No problem. I deal with vaginas all day in obstetrics. Not in a sex way, though,” she added. She kicked her legs onto Iruka’s lap and smiled at him. “Someone else has exclusive rights to my oral prowess.”

Iruka lacked Yamato’s well-trained control, and therefore he was blushing to the roots of his hair. “Could we move on?”

“It’s late,” Yamato added. “You two have work tomorrow.”

“You and I don’t,” Kakashi said.

“We might,” Yamato said. “If the Hokage needs us.”

Kakashi shrugged and tipped his chair back on two legs. “I’m still up for more drinking.”

Yamato rubbed his forehead. “After this discussion, I would prefer to never drink in this particular bar again.”

“So shy,” Kakashi said.

“It’s cute,” Rin said. “They’re both so cute.”

Iruka and Yamato shared another look, this time of resignation.


End file.
